Monday, 27 August 2012

The lion that roared in Essex

There's a lion on the loose in Essex. The big cat is said to be near a caravan site in St Osyth near Clacton and is being stalked by police marksmen. It was spotted by a man who shouted in Essex style "it's a f***ing lion!" Presumably the lion should be easy to spot, as it will be one of the few things not wearing leopardskin, arf arf. No one is sure where it came from. A circus has accounted for all its animals so was it some geezer's trophy pet? The Essex Lion twitter account has been trending with quotes from the lion such as I'M GOING TO LAKESIDE FOR A NANDOS AND PERHAPS A YOUNG FAMILY and I'M HIDING IN JD SPORTS. POLICE ALWAYS HAVE IT IN FOR ME JUST COZ I'M A LION. Plus ON ME WAY TO THE CARPARK FOR A PROPER FIGHT. BRUVS GOING DOWN. LISTENING TO CIRCLE OF LIFE TO GET PUMPED and, best of all, LEAVE HIM ALONE SIMBA, HE AIN'T WURF IT! All stereotypical nonsense of course, but rather funny. Now all we need is Elton John to compose the movie score and Joey Essex to prove himself as a lion tamer.

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