Well, the new series of The Only Way is Essex is back in Technicolour orange, or what Amy calls the “oompa lumpa” shade of spray tan.
As ever the Essex argot is splendid. Of course, it’s not representative of the real Essex, but it is fun.
In London they have Jafrican but here old cockney merges into new Essex in a disarming display of linguistic front. Mark reckons his sister Jess has got “the raving hump” because he doesn’t agree with her having a boob job. This is not out of any misguided sense that women’s bodies are fine as they are, but because he doesn’t want to “have to front up every geezer” looking at her silicone. Nanny Pat had it right when she said they’re fine as they are, Jess.
Arg is telling Lydia, “talk about digging me out, Lyd!” While Kirk is recommending his single father to a prospective car saleswoman lover as “a right gentleman, a geezer… he’s everything!”
While new addition Joey Essex says “I’m not mugging him off”.
So that’s digging me out, mugging me off, raving humps, fronting up geezers, and right gentlemen in one episode, not to mention painted trotters on Mr Darcy the Vietnamese pig.
Meanwhile Kirk’s dad makes a nice addition (“You are spoilt!” he tells his son who wants a Beamer for his birthday) while Mark’s mum looks uncannily like Alison Steadman in Gavin and Stacey.
Meanwhile Amy’s wondering if Kent is South London and remarks that “Essex is the new LA". After all, there’s already a Brentwood in LA. Is Gants Hill Essex’s version of Beverly Hills and Southend our Malibu?