Juke box Dury

Nice to see Ian Dury's Spasticus Autisticus, a song that was very controversial in the 1980s, included in the opening ceremony of the Paralympics. What an Olympics for Essex it's been so far with the inclusion of Dury, the Prodigy, Blur, Underworld, Jesse J, Russell Brand and I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles.

Essexy beasts and Essexism

So the Essex Lion appears to be an overfed cat. The police have called off the search and the papers are revelling in a superb silly season story. The Sun has three pages on the "Essexy beast". The Daily Mirror has a front stage story "Revealed: The Lion of Essex" next to a picture of Tom the ginger cat who sparked a two day lion-hunt. It also exposes a Twitter fake picture with the memorable headline, "You can't hide your lion eyes".The story also makes the front page of the Guardian and the paper includes an internet picture of the lion superimposed upon the Towie cast in front of their Essex logo.

Meanwhile the Independent opts for the moral high ground with a piece by Patrick Strudwick lambasting anti-Essex snobbery. He claims "There's no moral difference between laughing at people simply because of where they were born and mocking people because of the amount of melanin in their skin, their chromosomal make up or their inability to walk." This PC viewpoint rather ignores the fact that much of the internet commentary, such as the brilliant Essex Lion Twitter account, was very funny and that most Essex people can laugh at themselves.

"Essexism, it seems, is the last unchallenged prejudice," writes Strudwick. Sounds like the geezer needs a slap from the Essex Lion round the back of Sugar Hut. (Sorry, that's a joke, been reading too much of the Essex Lion, Bruv.)

Yes, there's some truth in the stereotype in Estuary Essex, but most people are intelligent enough to know that not everyone in the county is like a Towie character and that Saffron Walden, Maldon and Manningtree are different in character to say Basildon or Grays. And the one thing worse than having a dodgy public image is not having one. Essex could be as bland as Bedfordshire were it not for the jokes.

The lion that roared in Essex

There's a lion on the loose in Essex. The big cat is said to be near a caravan site in St Osyth near Clacton and is being stalked by police marksmen. It was spotted by a man who shouted in Essex style "it's a f***ing lion!" Presumably the lion should be easy to spot, as it will be one of the few things not wearing leopardskin, arf arf. No one is sure where it came from. A circus has accounted for all its animals so was it some geezer's trophy pet? The Essex Lion twitter account has been trending with quotes from the lion such as I'M GOING TO LAKESIDE FOR A NANDOS AND PERHAPS A YOUNG FAMILY and I'M HIDING IN JD SPORTS. POLICE ALWAYS HAVE IT IN FOR ME JUST COZ I'M A LION. Plus ON ME WAY TO THE CARPARK FOR A PROPER FIGHT. BRUVS GOING DOWN. LISTENING TO CIRCLE OF LIFE TO GET PUMPED and, best of all, LEAVE HIM ALONE SIMBA, HE AIN'T WURF IT! All stereotypical nonsense of course, but rather funny. Now all we need is Elton John to compose the movie score and Joey Essex to prove himself as a lion tamer.

The best Essex Arg has ever had

Rather too much information on the Arg/Gemma Towie romance in the latest issue of Heat. "The best sex I've ever had!" is the cover quote from Arg. Don't know about you, but I keep thinking of Mark Wright's description of his mate's "burger nips" at this point. Nurse, the screens!

Olympian Essex

Something of a result for Essex in the Olympics opening ceremony. The score was by Romford's Underworld, plus we had an unforgettable airing of I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles and a video of Firestarter by Braintree icons The Prodigy. All it lacked was a Towie tribute and a giant Jamie Oliver puppet seeing off Voldemort with a bottle of virgin olive oil...