Wilko is Going Back Home

So Wilko Johnson has finally gone to the great Oil City above. As a teenager I loved reading about Dr Feelgood in Sounds, with the band described as dressing like "out-of-work accountants" and listening to the live album Stupidity in the era of Yes and Pink Floyd. And I  saw Wilko Johnson's Solid Senders play a great set while at Lancaster University in 1980. 

Then there was his revival with the film Oil City Confidential in which he showed us his telescope and described looking from Canvey at the flares from the refinery, which were like, "something out of Dante's Inferno." I saw Wilko play at Canvey Island and wrote about it in my book The Joy of Essex in 2012. Plus there was his memorable role as a mute executioner in Game of Thrones and his wonderfully philosophic attitude to having cancer. A great guitarist and true Essex eccentric, let's hope Wilko is now standing down by the jetty.

Billericay Dickie

Enjoyed appearing on the Ben Fryer show on Radio Essex last week to add my opinion on supermodel and entrepreneur David Gandy telling the Daily Telegraph that he wanted to take his birthplace of Billericay off his passport. The show played segments of Ian Dury's Billericay Dickie and Gavin and Stacey of course to emphasise the town's place in modern culture. 

Does David not realise that Billericay now has a Waitrose? I mentioned the bluebells of Norsey Woods, the Peasants' Revolt, Billericay Brewing, Lake Meadows and the Chequers pub among other Billericay contributions to the world. And also that Adrian Chiles' thought having a regional Brummie accent was an advantage as people underestimated him and were surprised by anything vaguely clever he said — the same surely applies to Essex. Gandy is not a bleeding thickie and he's doing very well, for which he should be thankful.

Culture wars over Essex

Good piece by Gaby Hinsliff in the Guardian today where she argues, "Give me the cheeky Essex that I Iove over a snobby rebrand." She's referring to Essex County Council's new campaign to emphasise the county as the home of Boudicca, the Peasant's Revolt, Michelin-starred restaurants and fine wineries. Which is all very true, but as I argued in my book The Joy of Essex, there will always be two sides to the county, estuary Essex with its East End overspill, and the posher villages and towns to the north. 

Should Essex ditch the Towie image? It's all sparked a (lack of) culture war. The Sun also covered the debate and PR guru Mark Borkowski made the point: "There’s no denying the cultural — and, I’m certain, economic — impact of Towie on Essex’s fame. For me, the ideal campaign would acknowledge these positives, even use them to introduce lesser-known facets of Essex, rather than using Towie as a sacrificial lamb.”

Discerning visitors surely know that Essex isn't completely vajazzles, though that side of the county can't be disinvented. Just as Upminster boy Ian Dury could indulge in clever wordplay yet also start Plaistow Patricia with a barrage of swearwords, high and low culture can mix. The artist Michael Landy had it right in his Welcome To Essex exhibition at Firstsite in Colchester last summer, where he celebrated lowbrow Essex with high art. 

The PR campaign is well-meaning but you can't air-brush out dodgy Essex. As Gaby Hinsliff writes: "My Essex is a pancake-flat, dead ordinary hunk of East Anglia that has ingeniously vajazzled itself up into something much more interesting by leveraging the idea of Essex as a cheeky, sexy, loudly inappropriate cultural and economic phenomenon... How do you reinvent a place that has already reinvented itself in ways no other county would dare? Try it, and the joke’s on you."

Review: Michael Landy's Welcome to Essex

Essex is Britain’s most misunderstood county claims the cover of Gillian Darnley’s book Excellent Essex. Certainly the media has appeared fascinated by the county since Simon Heffer’s profile of Essex Man, aka “Mrs Thatcher’s bruiser”, appeared in the Sunday Telegraph in 1990. The Towie phenomenon of the past decade has only increased the image of bling and vulgar excess. 

But in Michael Landy’s Welcome to Essex, his new exhibition at Firstsite in Colchester, the Ilford-raised Landy has chosen to embrace the county’s brash image. “I see myself as a mirror,” says Landy, who celebrates the dodgy heritage of Essex, while also making the viewer aware that journalists have been pretty lazy in reaching for Essex caricatures whenever a story about the region crops up. 

A giant cut-out of Edward Collet’s original Essex Man cartoon dominates the foyer, with the words of the original Simon Heffer piece on the back. The spirit of Thatcherism looms large, with a wall display of Margaret Thatcher meeting the owners of the first council house to be sold in Harold Hill and a tarpaulin with the logo “Essex Man has seen off socialism.” 

Riffing on the fact that Essex was described as “the dustbin of London”, Landy has mounted 1990s TVs on wheelie-bins surrounded by bin-liners of rubbish, The TVs play clips of Sir Peregrine Worsthorne and Simon Heffer talking about Essex Man, news items discussing Essex Girls and white stilettos, a Towie vajazzle session, Brexiteer MP Mark Francois, boy racers on Southend seafront, Time Team on the discovery of the Anglo-Saxon Prittlewell prince complete with bling grave goods, and music from Depeche Mode, Ian Dury and Billy Bragg. All in front of giant posters of Harry Enfield’s Loadsamoney character and the Towie cast. In a homage to Towie a large sign reads: “Warning this archive contains flash cars, big watches and false boobs.” 

On a personal level, you know you’ve done good as an Essex Man when you appear in a vitrine… My book The Joy of Essex appears in a glass cabinet, complete with Michael’s yellow stick-it notes still in place. It’s alongside a piece I wrote for the Guardian back in 1991 entitled “Awoight on the night,” discussing the cockney hybrid argot of Essex. Like many hacks, my own work has contributed to the mythology of Essex. 

Reflecting estuary Essex’s industrial heritage Landy has hung tarpaulins from the roof emblazoned with media headlines such as “The bonds of Basildon”, “Sexy Saxons the Essex girls of old England” and “It’s Hollywood… near Brentwood”. There’s even one headline claiming that in uncultured Essex more people use Firstsite as a toilet than as an art gallery. 

Landy has also had great fun with the Dagenham Idol, a 4000-year old wooden figure that was unearthed on Rainham Marshes. Gloriously for the county’s Essexual image, it was thought to be a phallic appendage suitable for either male or female use. Landy has created his own version of the Idol and covered it in gold, burying it in a spoof archaeological excavation pit in a separate room at the exhibition 

The walls of the vitrine room are covered in press features on Essex. The Sunday Telegraph asks if Brentwood is the worst address in England, the Sun claims there are no virgins in Essex and the Daily Mail berates Shami Chakrabarti for patronising Essex Man. The Essex Man stereotype was in fact quite complimentary, argues Simon Heffer, since it was celebrating the aspirational character and achievement of working class East Enders who had moved out to the country. Certainly the sharp wit of Essex folk and their willingness to debunk pomposity has proved popular on reality TV shows. 

The Essex Girl phenomenon of the 1990s has fared less well and was nothing to do with Heffer. Landy devotes a cabinet to Essex Girl jokes and they come across today as rebooted sexist jokes about ‘slappers’, perhaps stemming from a male fear of women who knew what they wanted both in bed and done-up Ford Cortinas. Similarly the video of the Spitting Image song Essex is Crap now appears simply patronising. 

There are certainly two sides of Essex — the East End overspill towns and the more Suffolk-like country areas beyond the A13. Landy knows this and as part of the preparation for this show he took me for a walk on the Essex Way across a beautiful pastoral landscape before looking back in Ongar for the bus home. One bonus was that he didn’t destroy our OS map (Landy is the artist who famously destroyed all his possessions in 2001). 

This exhibition does make you wish for a more nuanced media view of Essex. But then again there was always a grain of truth in the Essex Man stereotype and perhaps it’s better to celebrate the county’s image rather than be too offended by it. Essex is nothing if not in your face. Bling and brashness are not the only way in Essex — but the media have got plenty of arterial road mileage out of it, as Landy perfectly illustrates.

Essex and Essexuality

Told you my work is art... My book The Joy of Essex is on display in a vitrine (that's a posh word for a cabinet) in Michael Landy's Welcome To Essex exhibition at Colchester's Firstsite gallery. Also my 1991 piece from the Guardian on the Essex argot.

It's a great show about the county's cultural baggage and media stereotypes, including a giant figure of Essex Man as you enter, tabloid headlines printed on tarpaulins and 1990s TVs on wheelie-bins playing clips of Essex luminaries. The Ilford-born Landy sees himself as a mirror to all the images projected on to Essex — and he's clearly had a lot of fun making this exhibition. Proper art. Runs until Sept 5.

Odes to Essex

Enjoyed listening to Radio 3's Odes to Essex series. Would any other county have got its own radio series? Billy Bragg had a lot to say about childhood games on the liminal marshland around Barking, an area full of rusting cars, old sofas and girlie magazines. Excellent Essex author Gillian Darley take on mid-Essex, poet and novelist Lavinia Greenlaw looks at the refusal of place through her childhood in an Essex village and night trips across muddy fields trying to get somewhere, while writer Ken Warpole speaks of the Canvey Island floods and Essex's radical past. Well worth a listen. Click on the link to play.

Excellent Essex

Just finished reading a Christmas gift of Excellent Essex by Gillian Darley. There's some brilliant research in this tome, although the sub-title, "In praise of England's most misunderstood county" doesn't really reflect the content; Essex Man and the Towie phenomenon get just half a dozen pages and there's no real discussion about the validity or not of these stereotypes.

This is much more a Radio 4 version of Essex. Darley grew up in Sudbury on the Essex/Suffolk border and seemingly prefers the old villages of north Essex to estuary Essex. She is mainly an architectural journalist and Excellent Essex is full of info on interesting buildings and intriguing historical facts. You can dip into this book and find details of Tolstoyian communities in Purleigh, bohemian artists in Great Bardfield and Frank Crittall's windows and modernist homes in Silver End. 

She's also very good on the history of Butlin's in Clacton, Bata at Tilbury, plotland developments like Basildon and Jaywick and the development of new towns at Harlow, Basildon and South Woodham Ferrers. Essex has always been a haven for the slightly different stresses Darley, from mechanical elephants in Thaxted to cheetahs at Romford dogtrack, suffragettes in Great Baddow and Grayson Perry's A House for Essex on the Stour. The index stretches from the A12 and Robert Adam to Wrabness and Zeppelins. There should be something for everyone here.

Towie oil traders cash in

We had The Wolf of Wall Street, the Wolf of Shenfield and now it seems the Wolves of West Horndon. The Daily Mail contains a great story about nine 'Towie oil traders' operating as Vega Capital London out of an industrial park in West Horndon, who have made a claimed £487 million trading in futures, gambling on the price of oil going down during the pandemic. 

Even better three of the Essex high-rollers are nicknamed Cuddles, Ari and Dog, support West Ham and like to visit Marbella. The only downside to their nice little earner is a trading lawsuit from the US, though the so called 'oil oiks' insist they acted on a 'blaring market signal'. Essex Man is nothing if not entrepreneurial and really futures trading can't be that different to trading on Romford Market. Though you do wonder how they'll spend all that money in West Horndon — it's only got one pub and one restaurant. Expect a movie very soon.

Remembering WW2 in West Horndon

Thanks to my sister Kaz for supplying these pics of the WW2 memorial bench in West Horndon. The bench marks the area where 20 young men lost their lives after two US Air Force bombers collided above the fields around West Horndon. The only survivor was tail gunner John Adams. Apparently bits of the planes can still be around around the local woods. A sad tale, but well worth remembering today.

This is Essex — without the stereotypes

Enjoyed the Zoom launch of the video This is Essex today. The video was made by Visit Essex and contains a host of Essex characters debunking some of the myths about the county. 

To prove it's not all boy racers rally champion Nabila Tejpar (left) shows us her motor. Countering the idea that Essex folk aren't that intelligent, scientist Dr Miles Adcock shows us around the Chelmsford base where parts are made for space programmes. 

Comedian Ellie Taylor, who was born in Brentwood, gives her take on the Essex accent. Michelin starred chefs the Galvin Brothers prove that Essex does have taste and eighth generation Mersea oysterman Tom Haward proves "Out, Out" doesn't always mean false eyelashes and fake tan. 

Paralympian Anne Wafula-Strike reveals tracksuits are worn for more than leisure in Essex, Hedingham Castle owner Demetra Lindsay tells us she's an Essex Girl and metal detectorist Adrian Gayler brings a new perspective to golddigging. Harwich town cryer James Cole gets shouty and the owner of West Street vineyard asks what a sugar hut is. Although pantomime dame Anthony Stuart-Hicks does admit to wearing white stilettos. 

Essex Radio's Dave Monk hosted a short discussion after the launch. Essex Man, Essex Girls and Towie might represent a part of estuary Essex, but this is a fun idea to prove that there's a lot more to Essex than the popular cliches. To view the video click on the link.

Essex Man is 30 today

Today Essex Man is thirty years old. Simon Heffer wrote the original piece that created Essex Man in the Sunday Telegraph of October 7 1990. So what would Essex Man, aka "Maggie's mauler" be like today? 

Essex Man would be close to retirement age with electric gates on his gaff in Southend and a bolthole in Portugal. You won’t step over pools of his vomit at Liverpool Street anymore because he drinks Pinot Grigio at home with his missus and has been told to slim down before Covid gets him. Though he still supports Brexit and thinks that even if there are 7000 lorries parked in Dover he might be able to send over a few mobile coffee stalls and get a good mark-up. He’d certainly be knocking out a nice sideline in West Ham face masks going at a tenner a time. 

He’d be more into marketing wellness and beauty apps to the metropolitan liberal elite in Islington rather than videos on Romford market and would be trading in one-day Sky passes for the Premier League rather than the satellite dishes of 1990. He’d approve of Priti Patel’s idea of sending asylum seekers to Ascension Island, but accept Priti as one of 'us' because she’s spiritually Witham. With Priti and Mark Francois in charge we might even win the next war. He would hate snowflakes but be very sensitive to any criticism of his own views on twitter. 

Essex Man would have been puzzled by his grandchildrens’ liking for Jeremy Corbyn, who reminded him of that muppet Wolfie Smith. But he might have a little more respect for Keir Starmer. Essex Man and shiny suits go back a long way and it’s not hard to imagine the besuited Starmer with a brick-like mobile phone in the 1980s. Just as long as long as he doesn’t tax white van man or tanning salons, though he can have a go at Amazon as their delivery drivers are always leaving packages outside the electric gates because they can't get past the security. 

Essex Man admires the front of Dominic Cummings in breaking the lockdown rules, but still thinks he deserves a slap for being a posh git who reads books. Much of the origins of Essex Man can be found in the Victorian costermongers described by Henry Mayhew in the classic London Labour and the London Poor. Selling fruit and veg from moveable barrows, they developed a heightened street sense and quickfire humour. Some of them were known as “patterers”. And today’s Essex Man would certainly recognise Boris Johnson as a dodgy patterer who doesn’t really know what he’s talking about with his world-beating test and trace system, particularly as Nanny Pat is at risk. Essex Man can forgive much but not poor marketing or being mugged off. 

The only Way in Essex

Enjoyed a great walk on the Essex Way with the artist Michael Landy (famous for once destroying all his possessions and placing them in Landy-fill). We took a taxi from Harlow to Pepper's Green and then walked down the tree-lined avenues, ancient bridleways and newly-ploughed fields of Essex to finally look back in Ongar. 

We came across the two churches (and one graveyard) at Willingale, which are certainly intriguing. No-one is sure why there are two churches, St Christopher's and St Andrews' and All Saints. There were folk rumours of a row between two rich sisters who refused to worship together, though as the churches are 200 years apart in construction that theory doesn’t quite stand up. The churches date back to Saxon and Norman times and St Andrew's and All Saints even has Roman tiles used in its structure.

Then it was a stroll by the River Roding past fallen willows and dislodged bridges and into the fine old town of Chipping Ongar. Some eight miles of bucolic charms without a main road in sight until Ongar. It's the only Way in Essex and my intention now is to walk some more of it. 

Stag do in Harold Hill

Oh deer. Thanks to Billy Bragg who has retweeted these pics of deer who have colonised the empty streets of Harold Hill (in East London, though formerly Essex). The goats in Llandudno are getting all the publicity, but it seems deer are now born free in Harold Hill (which incidentally also features in an Ian Dury song).

Excellent Essex

Good to see there's a new book on Essex out, Excellent Essex: In Praise of England's Most Misunderstood County by Gillian Darley. The Guardian described it as, "an original and beautifully written celebration of a much maligned county." A review will be published shortly…

West Ham Legends hit Brentwood

Best part of the weekend was going to see 'West Ham Legends' Trevor Brooking, Julian Dicks, Frank McAvennie and Tony Gale at Brentwood Live on Friday night. Brentwood Live is a strange venue, basically a sports hall with seats and not actually in Brentwood but Doddinghurst. But a taxi trip from the station soon delivered Fraser and myself to the venue, where we found a thousand or so geezers in replica shirts and Camden Pale on draft.

Tony Gale was a fine compere for the evening, full of wit, delivering a surprisingly accurate impression of Sir Trevor Brooking and revealing that Trev once said a four-letter word on the golf course. Sir Trev stalked us through his FA Cup winning goal and said that although Ron Greenwood was a great coach John Lyall was a better man manager. Predictably he rather sat on the fence on possible replacements for Pellegrini, but did say that he thought Ajeti wasn't good enough. Dicksy added that the current side just doesn't work hard enough. Mention of Roberto inspired memories of Allen McKnight from Frank McAvennie.

There were lots of tales from the 1980s and 1990s. Frank McAvennie had a story of the players breaking a curfew in Amsterdam and John Lyall asking for £50 to be given to charity from every player who had sneaked out of the fire escape. Lyall was very surprised to find £1200 left on the table when he returned. There was also the story of Mitchell Thomas faking injury so that McAvennie could come on to score a hat-trick in his final West Ham game.

We had plenty of examples of footballers' banter. Tony Gale recalled the time Trevor Morley was in the treatment room after being stabbed by his wife and Julian Dicks had placed a series of knives in the anatomical skeleton on display. 

Dicksy remembered himself and Frank hitching a lift on a milk float during a cross country run under Billy Bonds; and also the time Billy Bonds wanted to fight him at half-time during a game at Coventry. Despite their differences though, Julian considered Bonds to be the best player he played alongside.

Everyone had massive respect for Bonzo and when asked by an audience member "Did Harry Redknapp stab Billy Bonds in the back?" Tony Gale replied that all he could say was that Billy was as honest as they come.

Tony Gale also revealed that the epic 1985-1986 season charge to third place was inspired by a pre-season defeat at Orient when a fan who looked like a member of the ICF broke into the dressing room and lambasted each player in turn. If that fan is still around then perhaps he could break into the dressing room again and deliver a few more ripostes to our underachieving side.

Overall a fine night of nostalgia from four players who still seem to enjoy each other's company. And what wouldn't we give to see these four back in the side today?

Stiletto crazy after all these years...

Some of the donated stilettos           PIC: QUEENS THEATRE

Stilettos will be theatrically burned to mark a new series of plays touting a positive image of Essex at the Queen's Theatre in Hornchurch.The theatre is asking for donated stilettos to burn during Sadie Hasler's play Stiletto Beach, billed as "a love letter to Southend". 

The season also features So Here We Are by Luke Norris, which is also set in Southend and part of the theatre's Essex On Stage programme. So far the theatre has received more than one hundred pairs of stilettos — which should help the play right some burning injustices perpetuated by Essex Girl stereotypes. Click on the link for box office details...

Pity about the Prittlewell prince

Was in Southend last Monday on a very rainy day and after a bracing walk from Leigh-on-Sea thought I'd take a look at Southend Museum's artefacts from the 'Prittlewell Prince', billed in the press as 'Essex's answer to Tutankhamun'. The burial chamber, found in Prittlewell, contains lots of lavish grave goods such as a beautiful blue glass beaker. It was thought to belong to Seaxa, not a heavy metal guitarist but the brother of King Saebert of Essex, who in the seventh century was the first Anglo-Saxon king to convert to Christianity.

The only problem was that after finding the museum, it was padlocked as it closes every Monday. So we had to make do with the pictured poster. Just a thought, but if the museum really does contain the UK's equivalent of Tutankhamun's tomb and Southend is now set to rival Cairo, shouldn't it be open all week?

What have the Romans ever done for Essex?

Just enjoyed a day trip to Colchester. Arriving at Colchester Town rather than Colchester station meant a fine view of the ruins of St Botolph's Priory from the train. Exploring the ruins in closer detail they're a fascinating mass of huge cylindrical columns and arches made of recycled Roman brick and stone trashed by Henry VIII. Yet in historic Colchester they are almost an affterthought.

Colchester Castle was as magnificent as ever and it's still an immense thrill to take a tour of the foundations, which are those of the Roman temple sacked by Boudica's Iceni tribes. The museum has some great finds including the beautiful gold bangles and earrings found under Fenwick's department store in the charred layer of town left by Boudica's rampage. Plus there's the Roman doctor buried with a complete surgical kit, the tombstone featuring a Roman Centurion trampling over a defeated Brit, and the magnificent Colchester vase with it's gladiators and whips.

Then it was on to the Balkerne gate with its two intact arches and an astonishing mass of preserved Roman city wall. My sister and I still had time to make it the Firstsite art gallery before catching the six o'clock train back to London. Colchester has just as much history as town s like Bath — it really should be a top tourist attraction.

The invention of Essex

Good piece in Friday's Guardian on "the invention of Essex" by Tim Burrows. It covers similar material to my own tome The Joy of Essex: the rise of new housing in Basildon, Harlow and South Woodham Ferrers; Thatcher's appeal to council-house buyers; Simon Heffer's invention of Essex Man in 1990; Birds of a Feather; Mike Leigh's Abigail's Party (set in Romford); the creation of Essex Girls; Basildon Man; and uber Brexiteer and stereotypical Essex Man Mark Francois, MP for Rayleigh and Wickford. 

Burrows ends up concluding that Essex Man is a good shorthand for politicians who claim to identify with working class culture and that actually the county is more diverse than is realised. "If Essex did not exist they would have to invent it."

Billericay Dickie in a tuk tuk

Another triumph for Essex. Billericay resident Matt Everard has set the world record for speeding in a tuk tuk. Matt reached a speed of 74.306 mph at an airfield near York. Everard, 46, fell in love with tuk tuk taxis after holidaying in Thailand. And after a few beers in Billericay, he bought one on eBay while his wife was asleep, as you do, and then spent £20,000 on souping it up. The media loved it of course, and even Radio 4's Today mentioned "boy racers" within a few sentences. At least it should be a talking point when stuck in traffic and just the thing for taking an open-air cruise down the A13, trunk road to the sea.