Essexuality

Now back in England and glad to see that the TOWIE stars are still naking a fine job of being famous for being infamous.

Sam turned up on Shooting Stars (where Vic Reeves did a very bad Essex accent), Amy Childs was evicted from Celebrity Big Brother after causing much sexual tension in a room full of people with haircuts they no longer believed in (to paraphrase Billy Bragg), Gemma is still on the cover of New magazine for losing weight, and the love split of Mark and Lauren has been dissected as if it were the assassination of President Kennedy in Heat, Now, New and many other similarly-named celeb mags. While Joey Essex asks "what's notch?>" in Heat when questioned about notches on his bedpost.

All this and a new series of TOWIE starting on September 18...