Well-intelligent in Essex

Loved this comment about Maria on TOWIE before the Pub Quiz:

"She's well-intelligent — she's got GCSEs and everything!"

Last Days of the Essex Empire

Harry's 17th birthday party at some plush Essex country club had an air of The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire about it. All very The Only Way is Essex meets Caligula.

Maybe it was Harry dressed as Lady Ga Ga carried in by four semi-naked male hunks. Or perhaps it was the steaming swimming pool at the end with Sam and Joey Essex playing tonsil hockey that added to the air of dissolution.

So that's how the Roman Empire fell. They wore fancy dress and wondered if people were mugging them off, while having meaningful discussions about relationships with Lyd when dressed as Fred Flintstone. While the Barbarians waited outside ready to nick their Range Rovers…

Essex Philosophy

From The Only Way Is Essex as Kirk draws up on the mean streets of Brentwood in the new Range Rover that his dad Mick has bought him:

Amy: "Kirk, you can't sleep with a car."

Kirk: "Dunno, I can give it a right good go!"

Essex girl comes first

The Guardian ran my interview with Chigwell-born Sally Gunnell on Saturday, She came across as a genuine person with a nice sense of humour and the Olympic gold medal winner, who is now an ambassador for London 2012, had this to say about Essex:

"I grew up on a farm in Chigwell — the posh part of Essex — but it wasn’t a posh farm, it was a good working farm with plenty of mud, just six miles from the Olympic Village. My dad Les would be up in the field on the tractor and I’d run and take him a flask. I’d jump over the baler behind the combine to get to him so it was good training for hurdles…
"When a tabloid printed that “Essex girls do come first” headline my parents saw the joke. I’ve lived in Sussex for years, but you never lose that Essex Girl tag. I’m very proud of my roots."

All this, and she supports West Ham too…

The Only Way is PR…

When The Only Way Is Essex makes the Short Cuts column in the Guardian you know it must be bigger than Arg's steak baguette.

It's been quite a week, PR-wise. Most of the female cast appeared in their undies for Zoo magazine, Mark and Lauren were pictured in OK! in muddy 18th century military uniforms, while the Sun reported rumours that Lauren and Mark's relationship was only for the sake of the media and that they had already filmed their break-up scenes.

Though Lauren tweeted that it was genuine and told the Sun she will cut off Mark's "ding-dong" if he strays. While the Daily Star claimed that Lauren and Sam had been involved in an off-screen fracas over Mark. Then there's been the photo shoots at Lakeside and a nightclub in Loughton...

Possibly the clue comes in the titles where the producers say that some events are made up for your entertainment.

Seems to me that Arg and Lydia are actually the most genuine people on the show. Indeed Lydia was the only member of the cast not to strip for Zoo — which in Essex is definitely a sign of class.

Aye, we had it tough in Jaywick Sands

An unwelcome win for Essex. Jaywick Sands is officially the most deprived place in England according to the government's snappily-titled Indices of Multiple Deprivation 2010 league table.

Yesterday's Guardian has a feature on Jaywick complete with pictures of the closed Mermaid Tavern anmd an elderly man walking his dog. Never mind the beaches. It's isolated, has high unemployment, poor roads and is a flood risk. Jaywick beats Grimsby, Blackpool and Liverpool into first place.

Hmm. Maybe TOWIE's Amy could set up a vajazzling empire there?

Brentwood goes to Hollywood

The Evening Standard reports that Keira Knightley and Mad Men star Elizabeth Moss (she plays Peggy) both spent a day teaching drama at Brentwood School. This was in preparation for their roles as boarding school teachers in the forthcoming play The Children's Hour at the Comedy Theatre in the West End.

Well, that's what they say. It's also possible that the pair were simply hoping to hang around Sugar Hut in the hope of cameos as Mark and Kirk's love interest in The Only Way is Essex.